mmanya Posted May 8, 2003 Share Posted May 8, 2003 Something To Offend Everyone : Q: What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? A: The position of the dirt bag. Q: Why is divorce so expensive? A: Because it's worth it. Q: What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? A: Doughnuts. Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. Q: What do you call a smart blonde? A: A golden retriever Q: What do attorneys use for birth control? A: Their personalities. Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? A: 45 lb.. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? A: 45 minutes. Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart. A: Through his chest with a sharp knife. Q: Why do men want to marry virgins? A: They can't stand criticism. Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? A: Because those men already have boyfriends. Q: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? A: Because they have cotton balls. Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A: A porcupine has the :filtered: on the outside. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A: "Are you sure it's mine?" Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? A: Mace will do that to you. Q: Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? A: Everyone has the same DNA. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: :filtered: don't have eyes. Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? A: He walks around saying "Yo." Q: Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? A: Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? A: They're hiring. Q: What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A: A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe." Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! Q: What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A: A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s***..." Q: Why is there no Disneyland in China? A: No one's tall enough to go on the good rides. Link to post Share on other sites
mmanya Posted May 9, 2003 Author Share Posted May 9, 2003 where's Lorrie ? *S* Link to post Share on other sites
mmanya Posted May 9, 2003 Author Share Posted May 9, 2003 99 years old & a dual personality / login ??? Link to post Share on other sites
Stasi Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 (edited) Well, I suppose I am about 99 years old. However, don't think that I have a split personality. Do you want to know where Lorrie is? Lorrie is everywhere. You can feel her when you go to work, pay your taxes, go to church. No one can really be told what Lorrie is.... Edited May 9, 2003 by Stasi Link to post Share on other sites
mmanya Posted May 9, 2003 Author Share Posted May 9, 2003 LSD huh ? Link to post Share on other sites
Stasi Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 No, not LSD, however, there is a pill you can take to see the truth, though I don't know what's in it. Oh yeah, I forgot, it's a multivitamin. Link to post Share on other sites
volt Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 I see some PMs in my future!! v Link to post Share on other sites
mmanya Posted May 9, 2003 Author Share Posted May 9, 2003 *sends a PM to Volt* :censored: Link to post Share on other sites
Stasi Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 Who are these PMs you see in your future? Is one of them Tony Blair? I hope he stays in office for several more years at least! Gosh, anyone else think he looks like Ed from that TV show called "Ed"? Link to post Share on other sites
volt Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 Hell I like Tony!! he's from the wrong party for me,,but god love him he's got gonads. v And I'll get PMs from both sides of the fence on Mary's post up there. v Link to post Share on other sites
Stasi Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 And I'll get PMs from both sides of the fence on Mary's post up there. v Oooooooh, be careful. Just make sure those PMs don't come from saber toothed tigers or naked mole rats! Link to post Share on other sites
mmanya Posted May 9, 2003 Author Share Posted May 9, 2003 um Volt dear, I edited out the ones I thought might be truly offensive :censored: * oh you get positive pm's about my posts ? lololol Link to post Share on other sites
volt Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 um Volt dear, I edited out the ones I thought might be truly offensive :censored: * oh you get positive pm's about my posts ? lololol Thank you Mary!! might have saved me some typing there!! v Link to post Share on other sites
Guest andsomeoldname Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 Stasi Tony Blair can get stuffed is the general opinion of Brits these days Link to post Share on other sites
doofus Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 Stasi Tony Blair can get stuffed is the general opinion of Brits these days wont get told that by this Brit Keith Link to post Share on other sites
Countrydave55 Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 I'm guessing that's not a good thing? Stuffing I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
KansasConnection Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 Sure it is...along with some turkey and cranberries Link to post Share on other sites
Stasi Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 Stasi Tony Blair can get stuffed is the general opinion of Brits these days That's fine. I really don't care about peoples' political opinions on things, including my own, because people will believe what they want to believe. After all, great politicians are little more than populist liars who merely need to put their faith in the mindless group mentality of a group of people, be they their small constituency, nationwide social group, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Jazzy Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 I'm guessing that's not a good thing? Stuffing I mean. Depends on the context CD. Link to post Share on other sites
Stasi Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 Depends on the context CD. For example, if you want him stuffed because you want to eat him, that's "bad". If you want him stuffed so you can make a wall-mount trophy of him, that's "good". Link to post Share on other sites
lorriehe Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 (edited) Loved those one-liners. where's Lorrie ? *S* I'm still here Mary. I've been ripping up my house. I'd much rather be here at the pit. My hubby and I are going to kill each other before this is done. Refinishing hardwood floors. Ugh. Here's one for you. An Irish Joke Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drives his new Buick Rendezvous into an Irish gas station. An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is. .... "Top o'the morning to ya." As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket. So what are those, son?" asks the attendant. "They're called tees," replied Tiger. "And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquired the Irishman. "Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger. "Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Don't those fellas at Buick think of everything!" Edited May 9, 2003 by lorriehe Link to post Share on other sites
bluescout Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Don't those fellas at Buick think of everything!" Hey I've got a Buick , but it didn't come with that option Link to post Share on other sites
Guest andsomeoldname Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 If this clarifies things, Tony Blair can get stuffed in the same place as the turkey gets stuffed. How can you trust someone who has had his face stapled into a permanant silly grin? Link to post Share on other sites
Jander Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 If this clarifies things, Tony Blair can get stuffed in the same place as the turkey gets stuffed. How can you trust someone who has had his face stapled into a permanant silly grin? Does that mean we can't trust pinnochio or the little drummer boy? I personally like Tony Blair. I would suppose you don't like Bush either? Mary, some of those were low...so low Here is my retort A man takes his wife to the State Fair and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls. They come up to the first pen and there is a sign that says "This Bull mated 50 times last year. The wife pokes her husband in the ribs and says "He mated 50 times last year." They walked a little further and see another pen with a sign that says "This Bull mated 120 times last year." The wife hits her husband and says "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him" They walk further and a third pen has a Bull with a sign saying "This Bull mated 365 times last year." The wife gets really excited and says, "That's once a day." You could REALLY learn something from this one." The husband finally turn to her and says, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow." Link to post Share on other sites
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