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Sunday funnies........


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I always offer 2 dinner choices

1.)Take it

or

2.)leave it!

 

**************************

 

Instead of a sign that says

"Do not Disturb"

I need one that says

"Already disturbed, proceed with caution"

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A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says:

"Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says:

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ...

-

-

-

-

 

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

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It's kind of interesting that the most bigfoot sightings are in Washington State (and they were pre legal pot), then the second most sighting are in California (not all that far between), but the third most sightings are in Florida. Number of sightings in other states are significantly lower. So... apparently they are born and raised in Washington, vacation in California, and retire in Florida?

 

http://www.bfro.net/gdb/

 

It's also interesting that they are least likely to be seen in New England (except for Massachusetts) and then North Dakota (too cold?) followed by Nevada (too hot?).

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If the combination lock is on the back side you may have to jump over the gate in order to get to it (or use a ladder depending on how tall the gate is). Be careful it's not electrified.

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  • 2 weeks later...

A warm hearted Lawyer

------------------------------

 

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

 

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

 

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

 

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"We have to eat grass."

 

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you, " the lawyer said.

 

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

 

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

 

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."

 

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

 

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

 

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

 

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind."

 

"Thank you for taking all of us with you.

 

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.

 

 

 

 

The grass is almost a foot high."

 

 

 

:rolleyes: Y

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