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Advice needed regarding a situation I am in


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Based on the legal advice thread, I'd go so far as to wager that GD has some wise people in here that dispense good advice on dealing with stressful situations. I am once again, in such a situation, but this time, my life (as I know it) is on the line...

 

Here's the deal... My Dad is "dating" an incredibly manipulative woman. She's the type that will stop at nothing to take you for every dime that you've got, and deems men as disposable. She's done this to several men before him, and now she's doing it to my Dad. My Dad (and us by association) are living on a fixed income, and my Dad is wasting a lot of money on that so-called "woman". She already owes us thousands of dollars, and has shown no intention of ever paying us back, and to top it all off, she will be moving soon to be closer to her kids (whom are loaded). If my suspicions are correct, once she moves, she's going to mooch off them instead of my Dad, and still have no intention of ever paying us back.

 

That's not the best part though... He mentioned getting married to her over the phone, and he said if he does it he "doesn't want any baggage". By baggage, he means me and my brother. So basically, he is going to abandon us, leave us homeless, and move in with someone who is highly undesirable.

 

I've tried talking to him about the fact that she is manipulative, conniving, schemeing, plotting, and the fact that she is going to bleed him dry, and everytime, he accuses me of "butting in to his business".

 

So basically, I have run out of ideas to convince him to not be a total idiot, and the only options I can think of that I have left are beating him to within an inch of his life if he does try to leave, which will feel very good, but only land me in jail, and still without a home, or find a better way to convince him not to do it.

 

So, I am calling on you, the members of this great forum to help a fellow member out before his life is totally ruined.

Edited by brandon
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When the little head controls the big head your stuffed, the more you try to tell him about this the more his heels will dig in and he will go against you out of spite, it's a lose lose situation, about the ONLY hope you have is to record evidence of what she is doing, this is a major task in itself unless she is so conceited she thinks she is untouchable, but provoking a response from her will arouse suspicion, so actually being in the right place at the right time with a Mic or camcorder of some description when she has lowered her guard and is boasting about her victory(s) then you may have what is needed to open his eyes, but softly softly does it, and if she catches on to what you are trying to do then all hell will break loose, so it is a major juggling act you have to perform which carry's a lot of risk, so think very carefully before you do anything, but butting heads with him will only make it worse so bite your tongue, good luck.

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Not only can love be blind it can also be stupid :geezer: Anyone who would label their children as baggage is a few bricks shy of a full load glad you have your sister. One day your dad will wake up and realize what he's lost by walking away from his children. Beating up your father is not a good option for the reasons you listed some things are just not worth doing but if either you or your brother could be called dependent children that is under the age of 18 or handicapped your father could be forced to pay child support. That would leave the "woman" with less money.

Sorry I don't have better answers but wish you all the best.

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My brother is 22, and I am 20, so that's out of the question. Although I still would like to clock him one for being so stupid. But, on the upside, at least I'd be forced to get things together.

Edited by brandon
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I know this will sound harsh, so sorry in advance, but I don't see this as an issue. I can't see much difference between whether he is bled dry by her or by his family members.

 

So basically, he is going to abandon us, leave us homeless, and move in with someone who is highly undesirable.

.

 

This would indeed be sad if you two were juveniles, but you're NOT. Your dad has brought you this far and owes you nothing. It is time to pull yourself up by the proverbial bootstaps and move on. You and your brother should get a house together and make it in the world, but you are already thinking about "moving" in with your sister. Sheesh. Give her a break too.

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That's not harsh at all, and we are planning on getting a house together, but as it stands, neither of us have jobs, and the ones we have applied for have not contacted us again. I've been trying to move out since I was 18, but have not held a steady job since, and getting discharged from the military hasn't helped either

 

I plan on moving out once I get a steady job, since my friend rents a house, and has a couple rooms available. My sister will be an absolute last resort, because she already has a family to raise, and taking on more people is not what I want for her, or myself. I want to get my own place, not be a burden to other people.

 

We don't take money from him like she does. My brother and I have been buying food for ourselves with the money we have saved up over time, and my Dad gets a bigger tax credit, since ours is a multi-person household, according to what my Dad has said.

 

And I know we need jobs, and need to :filtered: of our house, but that wasn't the point of this thread. It was to find out ways to stop my Dad from making a BIG mistake. Plus, if I don't get him to stop from doing this, her grandson surely will, since he doesn't like my Dad too much.

 

What I am basically saying is, I plan on moving out ASAP (around the summer, but before the end of the year), and I want him to have money available for a decent retirement, and not have some hussy pay for her house with my Dad's money. He deserves it after raising me and my brother, because we have been terrible sons.

Edited by brandon
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You can tell him but if doesn't want to hear it, then there's not a damn thing you're going to do about it. He'll have to find out for himself and it's just that simple

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I have a bunch of friends that are looking for roommates, so getting a new place isn't a big deal. And I guess he will have to learn on his own. I just hope things don't get too bad for him.

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Nah, the way I am, it's not so simple as moving on. Every problem I encounter, I have to solve it. The logical side in me demands it, but anger (one of the few emotions I deem worthy of existing) can bypass the logical aspects of my persona. And I'm not really all that angry yet.

 

I am going to have a chat with my Dad to get the perspective from his side, and give him mine, whether he likes it or not. If I am up to it, I'll give a sit-rep afterwards.

Edited by brandon
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You know Brandon you may not like what I have to say here but you asked for opinions. you and your brother are both grown men. Get jobs, get your own places to live and move on with your lives. If your father is freely giving his money away to whomever in the long run thats his business. He won't be the first nor the last to be taken for a ride in this world and he will figure it out eventually or he won't. But you have no say so over his life, his financial dealings and personally if my parent referred to me as baggage I'd take it as a hint that maybe I needed to get out on my own if thats what he views you as. It comes across basically that she owes YOU this money and not him.. when thats not true at all unless you have given her loans yourself. Its his money, its his life to do as he chooses. If he chooses to do not so smart things with his heart, his time and his money thats entirely his option to do. Why would you even consider going to live with your sister and you are a grown man? Move out on your own and start to make your own way. Its past time. You cannot live your dads life for him or protect him from people hes freely providing for. Find a room mate, stand on your own two feet and let dad handle dads life.

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You know Brandon you may not like what I have to say here but you asked for opinions. you and your brother are both grown men. Get jobs, get your own places to live and move on with your lives. If your father is freely giving his money away to whomever in the long run thats his business. He won't be the first nor the last to be taken for a ride in this world and he will figure it out eventually or he won't. But you have no say so over his life, his financial dealings and personally if my parent referred to me as baggage I'd take it as a hint that maybe I needed to get out on my own if thats what he views you as. It comes across basically that she owes YOU this money and not him.. when thats not true at all unless you have given her loans yourself. Its his money, its his life to do as he chooses. If he chooses to do not so smart things with his heart, his time and his money thats entirely his option to do. Why would you even consider going to live with your sister and you are a grown man? Move out on your own and start to make your own way. Its past time. You cannot live your dads life for him or protect him from people hes freely providing for. Find a room mate, stand on your own two feet and let dad handle dads life.

 

The whole sister thing was agreed upon years ago. She said if ever we ran into hard times, or found ourselves without a home, she would let us stay there until we were able to find our own place. And I do like what you are saying. It's entirely sensical, and that is what I planned on doing for quite some time now, before this whole thing started.

 

Every time (until now) when I talked with my Dad about moving out, he gave me every reason in the book to not move out, and after I dissected those reasons, he clearly said that he did not want me to move out. He wanted both of us to get a job & help support the house, and didn't want either of us to move out, since he brought up the whole "You're one of the few things I've got left, since everyone else is dead" routine, which is true, since the only family he has left are me and my brother, my sister & her two daughters, and our two cousins through marriage, so the sudden change of heart threw me off.

Edited by brandon
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Based on the legal advice thread, I'd go so far as to wager that GD has some wise people in here that dispense good advice on dealing with stressful situations. I am once again, in such a situation, but this time, my life (as I know it) is on the line...

 

Here's the deal... My Dad is "dating" an incredibly manipulative woman. She's the type that will stop at nothing to take you for every dime that you've got, and deems men as disposable. She's done this to several men before him, and now she's doing it to my Dad. My Dad (and us by association) are living on a fixed income, and my Dad is wasting a lot of money on that so-called "woman". She already owes us thousands of dollars, and has shown no intention of ever paying us back, and to top it all off, she will be moving soon to be closer to her kids (whom are loaded). If my suspicions are correct, once she moves, she's going to mooch off them instead of my Dad, and still have no intention of ever paying us back.

 

That's not the best part though... He mentioned getting married to her over the phone, and he said if he does it he "doesn't want any baggage". By baggage, he means me and my brother. So basically, he is going to abandon us, leave us homeless, and move in with someone who is highly undesirable.

 

I've tried talking to him about the fact that she is manipulative, conniving, schemeing, plotting, and the fact that she is going to bleed him dry, and everytime, he accuses me of "butting in to his business".

 

So basically, I have run out of ideas to convince him to not be a total idiot, and the only options I can think of that I have left are beating him to within an inch of his life if he does try to leave, which will feel very good, but only land me in jail, and still without a home, or find a better way to convince him not to do it.

 

So, I am calling on you, the members of this great forum to help a fellow member out before his life is totally ruined.

For as long as you live by his goodwill, you are doomed to exist by his whim.

I'd get a job as soon as possible, any job.

 

TracyLynn, well put.

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For as long as you live by his goodwill, you are doomed to exist by his whim.

I'd get a job as soon as possible, any job.

 

TracyLynn, well put.

 

As long as there is a government and a currency system, we'll always be slaves to other people, so I have kind of accepted the fact that my life will always depend on other people.

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All I can give you is the view of a mother of a 22 year old son. There comes a time to fly the coop so to speak, cut the apron strings. He wouldn't be losing you in any way by moving out in fact it may make your bond stronger cause you are no longer co dependent on each other. I personally moved out at 18 years old and ate a lot of instant mashed potatoes, bologna sandwiches and basically damned near starved a few times out of essentially being prideful and wanting to show my folks i could make it without them and I have for years now and it feels good. They never helped me with anything, basically you are grown, take care of yourself and good luck. Am I this big successful person with material things this late in life as a result of that? Nope. But they can never say I out stayed my welcome or dependent on them for anything and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

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All I can give you is the view of a mother of a 22 year old son. There comes a time to fly the coop so to speak, cut the apron strings. He wouldn't be losing you in any way by moving out in fact it may make your bond stronger cause you are no longer co dependent on each other. I personally moved out at 18 years old and ate a lot of instant mashed potatoes, bologna sandwiches and basically damned near starved a few times out of essentially being prideful and wanting to show my folks i could make it without them and I have for years now and it feels good. They never helped me with anything, basically you are grown, take care of yourself and good luck. Am I this big successful person with material things this late in life as a result of that? Nope. But they can never say I out stayed my welcome or dependent on them for anything and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

 

A very good post, and along the lines of what I was looking for. :tup:

 

We don't really have a bond, since I don't like him all that much at times. But, even with that fact out there, I still respect him a great deal for having the patience to deal with us, and don't want to see anything bad happen to him, especially so far away, since I will be unable to do anything.

 

I like being included in others lives, whether it is through helping them out with their problems, convincing them not to do things, stuff like that. I just feel like if my Dad moves, it will be as if I never existed, and that would be a horrible feeling that I don't want to experience. I feel like that if I can't help others out, along with myself, that I might as well not exist.

Edited by brandon
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As long as there is a government and a currency system, we'll always be slaves to other people, so I have kind of accepted the fact that my life will always depend on other people.

Only for as long as you give veneer to their actions, but that is another story.

 

Just think of things objectively

  • There aint no such thing as a free lunch!
  • There is a strong possibility you will have shelter and partial funding removed from you
  • No money and house, means death
  • Therefore, life requires you increase your money supply
  • To do this you must find more work OR "exist" on wealth taken at gunpoint
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Only for as long as you give veneer to their actions, but that is another story.

 

Just think of things objectively

  • There aint no such thing as a free lunch!
  • There is a strong possibility you will have shelter and partial funding removed from you
  • No money and house, means death
  • Therefore, life requires you increase your money supply
  • To do this you must find more work OR "exist" on wealth taken at gunpoint

I've taken those things in consideration for years now. If I'm not constantly thinking death is around the corner, or bad times are around the corner, I'm always thinking what I can do to avoid such things. I'm very paranoid.

Edited by brandon
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I've gotten what I have needed from this thread. And I would like to thank FFR2 TracyLynn, Duanester, and Tito for giving me a cold, hard dose of reality. It's just what I needed. :)

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I've taken those things in consideration for years now. If I'm not constantly thinking death is around the corner, or bad times are around the corner, I'm always thinking what I can do to avoid such things. I'm very paranoid.

 

Start looking into a job hard now Brandon. Even if its a wierd place like the gas station or a warehouse. Atleast it puts something on your resume for Circuit city and stuff.

 

Even if you make a decent $80 a day you can survive on your own. (10 hours a day at min. wage, work!) Atleast do it for now until you can be sure. Say your a full time boy.

 

About your dad. Try Blackmail. :whistling:

Edited by el kido
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I've taken those things in consideration for years now. If I'm not constantly thinking death is around the corner, or bad times are around the corner, I'm always thinking what I can do to avoid such things. I'm very paranoid.

You can't eat paranoia either ;)

 

All the best anyway; I'm sure you'll get by.

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Start looking into a job hard now Brandon. Even if its a wierd place like the gas station or a warehouse. Atleast it puts something on your resume for Circuit city and stuff.

 

Even if you make a decent $80 a day you can survive on your own. (10 hours a day at min. wage, work!) Atleast do it for now until you can be sure. Say your a full time boy.

 

About your dad. Try Blackmail. :whistling:

Why is that weird?

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