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Questions about Australia!


Drovers Dog
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:geezer:

 

An Oldie but a good one!

 

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie.

 

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

 

 

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking

 

 

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.....

 

 

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

 

 

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.

 

 

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

 

 

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it.

Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

 

 

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

 

 

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

 

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

 

 

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.

 

 

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

 

 

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

 

 

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

 

 

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

 

 

16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)

A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

 

 

17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

 

 

18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

 

 

19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

 

 

21. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

 

 

22. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

 

 

:sparkle::rofl2::rofl2::sparkle:

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hahaha, glad i been there done that, yes aussie english were hard to understand for american. what's a crappa?

 

:laughing::laughing:

 

I think you might mean this?

 

 

Clacker : anus (from Latin cloaca = sewer). Also the single orifice of monotremes (platypus and echidna) used both for reproduction and for the elimination of body wastes.

 

what a load of Crap : (someone is talking rubbish) a lie, codswallop

 

stop the Crap! : stop what you are doing or saying as it's not true

 

off to the Crapper : go to the toilet or bathroom

 

 

:sparkle::rofl2::sparkle:

Edited by Drovers Dog
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American question: If I go to Australia will all the men keep calling me "mate" all the time?

Mate has a different meaning in the USA you know...

 

Aussie answer(By a big burly Aussie guy): Sure we will mate, and you don't even have to be a sheila mate.;)

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American question: If I go to Australia will all the men keep calling me "mate" all the time?

Mate has a different meaning in the USA you know...

 

Aussie answer(By a big burly Aussie guy): Sure we will mate, and you don't even have to be a sheila mate.;)

 

 

:laughing::laughing:

 

 

Mate : buddy, friend

 

mate

noun:- a general greeting term and familiar greeting amongst men whether a friend or total stranger. Similar to Cobber. I find it amazing that whenever I am abroad and meet another Aussie, I immediately refer to him/her as mate. US = buddy.

 

 

:sparkle::rofl2::sparkle:

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I was called mate,

 

g'day mate!

uh, who are you

you mate, mate.

I didn't mate with you.

 

That was my first impression, but then okay mate equals buddy, thats better.

 

:laughing::laughing:

 

Hey?

 

When Aussies want to Mate, it upsets Americans, :laughing::laughing:

 

Particularly if it is with their Women!

 

:sparkle::pullhair::pullhair::sparkle:

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the concept of mateship - regarded as a particularly Australian virtue - a concept that encompasses unconditional acceptance, mutual and self respect, sharing whatever is available no matter how meager, a concept based on trust and selflessness and absolute interdependence.

 

 

 

I don't abandon mates just because they make mistakes.

 

 

 

Someone you can rely on - through thick, thin and middling; past hell and high-water... In any trouble you know what he will do, without argument, because, since he is your mate, it is exactly what you would have done yourself..... Seems contradictory, doesn't he?

 

 

 

 

 

No one will find many mates with the qualities listed above in this land. Where as mate may be quite commonly used down under, I is the prevalent word used here. Hang on to it tight mates seems a better way to deal with life than evolved here.

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Oh......

In that case here is a joke...maybe.....maybe true !

 

Australia Wedding

nono.jpg

 

 

:geezer:

 

Naw, Mate!

 

Au-ssies love Emus and Ostriches, Ki-wis and We-lsh Love Sheep.

 

One of my Taffy Mates got caught out with this one! BTW Taffy is our nice way to refer to our Welsh Mates!

 

51sw6.th.jpg

 

Want to see more?

 

:sparkle::wub::sparkle:

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the concept of mateship - regarded as a particularly Australian virtue - a concept that encompasses unconditional acceptance, mutual and self respect, sharing whatever is available no matter how meager, a concept based on trust and selflessness and absolute interdependence.

 

 

 

I don't abandon mates just because they make mistakes.

 

 

 

Someone you can rely on - through thick, thin and middling; past hell and high-water... In any trouble you know what he will do, without argument, because, since he is your mate, it is exactly what you would have done yourself..... Seems contradictory, doesn't he?

 

 

 

 

 

No one will find many mates with the qualities listed above in this land. Where as mate may be quite commonly used down under, I is the prevalent word used here. Hang on to it tight mates seems a better way to deal with life than evolved here.

 

:geezer:

 

Lou?

 

Even in Australia Mateship is disappearing thanks to the Yanks!

 

Aussie Kids are Learning the American way!

 

What a waste of our Heratige, Convict to Independent, then as shown by David Hicks, Convicts again!

 

But you people still expect us to fight at your Shoulder?

 

I Think Time runs out!

 

:sparkle::pullhair::pullhair::sparkle:

Edited by Drovers Dog
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