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Anti-Spyware Brigade
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About jimbotopgun

  • Birthday 07/19/1948

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    Bullhead City AZ.

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  1. WDC WD1600JD-00HBB0 30 °C (86 °F) 2 of thim in raid. Good to go
  2. Did you mean: the one finger obscene juster. that's his IQ
  3. Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?". One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury". But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm". Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast". Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills". Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land". And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord."
  4. Gonna send you back to Texas, make you work on your ranch, Coutey Joe & the Fish.
  5. Bizarre 911 Calls Dispatcher: Nine-one-one Caller: Hi, is this the police? Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance? Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before. Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart. Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband. Dispatcher: Nine-one-one Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn.... Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the police.
  6. George W. Bush was in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. Excited, George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses." The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling. Mr. Bush positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am." George W. asked him why he was so uppity, and Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert."
  7. A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs. She asked, "What are their names?" The blonde replied, "That one is Rolex, and that one is Timex." Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "Helllooo?" said the blonde. "They're watch dogs..." ****************** Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear A Dad Say 10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions. 9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun? 8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude... I like that. 7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY. 6. Father's Day? Baahh--don't worry about that--no biggie. 5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend... you might want to consider throwing a party. 4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks. 3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall. 2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend. And the #1 thing you will never hear... 1. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son? ********************************** "War of The Worlds" is continuing to do huge business. You know the H.G. Wells classic where the earth is invaded by aliens and they can't be stopped. They went from city to city vaporizing everything in their path. And California still voted to give them driver's licenses." --Jay Leno *********************** Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, "I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax. In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis... When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again." The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, "What's his wife's name?" Her husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda." ************************************ A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Dave." "Who?" "Dave Bronson. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave every single time." "There are always a few clouds over everybody." "Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star." "He was something, huh?" "He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." "No wonder you remember him." "Well, I never actually met Dave." "Then how do you know so much about him?" "I married his widow."
  8. That annoyed me... Why kill the people? Its only natural for thim to go out... Do we kill our Cats and Dogs when they bring back people?.. Yes - So why kill the people?? Ok, it mauled a woman, but isnt that the risk in planting Bear in trees country? Sorry, but killing the people is just ignornance... Or not
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