It may be an Urban Legend, but this supposedly real job application, which a 16 year old boy submitted to a McDonald's fast-food establishment in San Diego, got him desired position — because it was honest and funny at the same time!
Name: Greg Bulmash.
Sex: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
Desired position: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
Desired salary: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
Education: Yes.
Last position held: Target for middle management hostility.
Salary: Less than I'm worth.
Reason for leaving: It sucked.
May we contact your current employer?: If I had one, would I be here?
Hours available to work: Any.
Preferred hours: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
Most notable achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
Special skills: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
Do you have any physical conditions that would prohibit you from lifting up to 50 lbs.?: Of what?
Do you have a car?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
Have you received any special awards or recognition?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
Do you smoke?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
What would you like to be doing in five years?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
Do you certify that the above is true and complete to the best of your knowledge?: Yes. Absolutely.
Sign here: Aries.
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